Creating Your Wedding Vows

By Reverend Deborah Young

Your upcoming wedding is a dream image in your mind where everything runs smoothly and your ceremony is filled with beauty and romance. You can make this dream come true. On your wedding day as you stand before your gathering of loved ones, everyone is excited for you and awaiting the magical moment in time, the center and reason for having a wedding, your wedding vows. Now is the opportunity to make those vows so meaningful that not only do both of you feel moved by the heartfelt sentiments that you share but your vows uplift everyone around you and make your wedding one that is long remembered.

Your vows are your promise, your intent and your pledge to each other of what you will do for each other and how you will treat each other in your married life. They state the reasons you want to marry each other.

Here’s How to Start
To begin the process, be sure you are alone in a quiet place with no distractions. Turn your cell phone off and ideally find a beautiful place in nature: a garden, park, beach or forest. Close your eyes and focus on stillness, take a few deep breaths, exhale and enjoy just sitting there with a quiet mind. Simply ask that the right words come through you.

You can keep your wedding vows to each other a surprise for that magical moment in your wedding ceremony or if you think you will be too emotional to say them, you might want to read your vows to each other a few nights before the ceremony in a private romantic mini-ceremony of your own – just the two of you in a special moment in time where the words you wrote will illuminate each other’s souls and the emotions can flow. Then on your wedding day, you will be more relaxed when reading your vows and it will bring back that beautiful memory.

If you choose to keep your wedding vows private from each other until the ceremony, you will need to email your officiant your vows separately. Your officiant will let you know if they need adjusting or if they are too long or too short – 200 words is the average. The length should be about a paragraph or two. They should be printed on card stock and cut down to fit the printing. Regular paper is too large and will blow in the wind if you have an outside wedding and if you are holding a microphone this could make it difficult to read. Be sure to hold the microphone close to your mouth to be heard clearly. Take your time, it is an emotional moment and the audience will be delighted to hear your words. Have your officiant carry your vows for you.

Practice
It is a good idea to practice your vows out loud or better yet, record yourself and you will be able to hear if your written words flow or need rewriting. Begin to write your vows early. They are the most important part of the ceremony and the reason for the wedding. Write them as early as possible to avoid running out of time then rushing to write them. You can have your vows printed on beautiful cards and keep them handy after the wedding to read to each other on special occasions. Or frame those vows and hang them. Some couples even make a small version of their vows, put them on card stock, even shrinking them down to a business card size to carry in their wallets or keep in their car and/or at work. They find this very helpful: when they get upset with their partner, they usually remember to pull out the vows and re-read them to put things into perspective and renew the vision for their marriage.

If writing your vows is too daunting of a task then just write what you love about each other and read those out loud to each other prior to the vows your officiant provides or you may search for vows in books and on the net.

All you have to remember is just to write from your heart. All will be well and your guests will be able to share a wonderful moment of your love.

Here is a List that can help you write your vows:

• Start with what attracted you to your partner in the beginning.
  
• Write what qualities made you fall in love with your partner and what you admire about them.
  
• You can then talk about what you love most about your partner and how they make you feel.
  
• Follow with how you vision your life together will be.
  
• Then you can say “I promise” or “I want” or “I will” or any other words you choose about loving and or cherishing your partner.
  
• Add that you will support each other through all the experiences of life.
  
• Follow with sentences regarding being faithful in your actions and in your heart.
  
• Mention that you will nurture the friendship you share.
  
• You can say how you will be honoring and truthful to each other.
  
• Add how you will keep fun and playfulness in the relationship.
  
• Talk about encouraging each other when one of you needs uplifting.
  
• Honor the spirit and encourage dreams.
  
• You can talk about speaking with kindness and really listening to the deepest part of your partner's heart.
  
• You can add how you plan to share your lives, your hearts and souls.
  
• You may add a humorous sentence if you like. For example if your partner is an avid sports fan you can include that you will make sure he always has season passes to his favorite team.
  
• You can close with a sentence about how you are so excited or looking forward to living your dream of being married and beginning your journey together as husband and wife.

Reverend Deborah Young is one of San Diego’s top wedding officiants. She presents her ceremonies with a delightful light-hearted yet elegant touch. Rev. Young also conducts motivational seminars, teaches and counsels in spirituality and has recorded relaxation and visualization CDs.